My mother is killing herself and I don't know what to do about it.
I think she wants to die and is taking the path of least resistance. That is the only conclusion I can come to. Why else would you not take the medicine that is basically keeping you from drowning in your own fluids? She has emphysema and pulmonary hypertension and congestive heart failure is the result. She has some arthritis. She is supposed to be on oxygen all day and take Lasix. She doesn't want to take it because it makes her go to the bathroom more. So she doesn't and swells up like a balloon. If she hasn't gotten rid of the fluid by Monday the doctors are going to hospitalize her.
I feel guilty that I'm so far away and my dad is bearing the emotional and physical burden of caring for her. My sister has stepped up and is helping out but considering the contentious nature of that family dynamic I don't know really how much emotional help she is. At least she is there and trying.
I'm angry that she is doing this to our family. Maybe I'm just selfish but I think my kids are pretty cool and why does she not want to be around to see them grow up? What is so horribly wrong with her life that she'd rather die than take a few meds and continue to live? I guess I should really ask HER that but I'm afraid I'd get so mad and frustrated trying to get her to talk to me that I'd be a total bitch. And maybe I'm a little afraid of learning what her answer might be.
5 comments:
I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I just don't understand myself why people do these kinds of things to the people that love them. I am really hoping that she gets it together before she has to be admitted. Many hugs, Jeanna!
I am so sorry Jeanna! I wish she would wake up and start doing what she is needing to do. (((HUGS)))
I'm praying for your mom, friend! hang in there!!
Life and often death are all about choice. What makes one person fight to live and another willingly give up are confusing. I am sure you do not need fear your mother loves you and the children. Something inside is preventing her from loving herself. There is nothing you can do about what is going on inside of another person's head. You can express your love to her and tell her how sad you feel because it appears to you she is choosing to leave all of you by the actions she is taking. I know she is not a communicator, but often people who do not communicate verbally, are thinkers. She will hear what you say, and it may have some effect. Mainly, don't criticize her, just express how you are already grieving. It is important for you not to wait. In the event, she chooses not to change her decisions, at least you have expressed your sorrow and sadness and reiterated how much you love her. Much love, Jeanna. I wish I could be even more help but this is some of what I learned in my years of working with people in one crisis or another.
I'm so sorry J, I wish there was something I could do or say that would make you feel better..I'm thinking of you and your family, and praying. Many HUGS. xo, k
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